In the News - July 2008
Focus on cooperation, not competition when raising children
LITTLE ROCK - Competition is an integral part of American life. In Arkansas,
we thrive on college football, minor league baseball and professional fishing.
So there's no doubt competition is useful, but it can also be damaging if not
kept in check.
"Competition is a way of getting information about how well we're doing and
what's possible," said Dr. Wally Goddard, extension family life specialist with
the University of Arkansas Division of Agriculture. "It can challenge us to try
harder and to learn from our own experience and the experiences of others."
However, when competition breeds too much pressure and stress, either within
children or from their parents, teachers or friends, it can become too much for
kids to handle.
"What parents should focus on is encouraging their children's individual
talents. It's vital that parents help each child discover his or her special
strengths or abilities," Goddard says.
Parents can foster a sense of cooperation in their children by setting an
example of it at home. The focus should be on the process rather than the
outcome. For example, a competitive way of getting kids to do their chores is to
offer a prize to the first one who finishes his or her task. Older or stronger
children will have an advantage over younger, smaller kids, so it's not a fair
situation, and what the kids learn is to view their brothers and sisters as
opponents.
A cooperative approach is to provide a treat to the entire family when
everyone's chores are complete. This will encourage children to work together
and show them that more can be accomplished together than individually.
"Stressing cooperation rather than competition will help kids in all aspects
of life," Goddard said. "If they join sports teams, they'll have an
understanding of how teams work and how working together benefits everyone
involved."
Another way to help children deal with competition in a healthy way is to
focus on their individual strengths and talents as well as the satisfaction of
doing their best, regardless of the task.
"With grades, the focus shouldn't be on the grade itself, which is the end
result, but on learning the lesson - preparation through studying, asking for
help when it's needed and focusing on the test," Goddard said. "When the student
brings back the grade, whatever it is, he or she should be appreciated for
lessons learned, not compared to how well their sister, friend or others did.
"When our children know that working and learning are more important to us
than winning, they're likely to be ready to learn more and worry less," Goddard
continues. "As they discover the satisfactions of overcoming difficulties and
enjoying progress, they're likely to become productive adults."
For more information about family life, visit extension's Web site,
www.uaex.edu, or contact your county extension agent. The Cooperative Extension
Service is part of the U of A Division of Agriculture.
July 18, 2008
By Kelli Reep
For the Cooperative Extension Service
Media Contact: Lamar James
Extension Communications Specialist
U of A Division of Agriculture
Cooperative Extension Service
(501) 671-2187 or (501) 753-0207
ljames@uaex.edu
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