In the News - February 2008
Valentine's Day gift should say, 'I love you'
LITTLE ROCK - Shopping for the perfect Valentine's Day gift can be a
challenge, but it should probably cause more of a mental strain than a financial
one.
"The amount of money that you spend definitely is not an indication of how
much you care about someone so that probably ought not to be your driving force
in determining what you get," says Dr. James Marshall, assistant professor and
family life specialist at the University of Arkansas Cooperative Extension
Service.
There's no single present that will be everything to all people, says
Marshall, so you really have to know your partner to find the thing that will
make his or her heart sing.
Marshall says some people respond best to words of affirmation, quality time,
receiving gifts, physical touch or acts of service.
"I think that paying attention to your spouse or partner's love languages and
giving a gift based on that is one of the best recommendations I could give," he
says.
He identifies the languages of love as "show me, tell me, or touch me."
If your partner responds to "show me," he or she would be most moved if you
gave a gift or did something to demonstrate your feelings. A "tell me" person
would most appreciate a poem or a letter, and a "touch me" person would like
hugging, cuddling a back rub or some other form of intimacy.
"The universal love language is time," says Marshall. "Time is the big
umbrella. You have to give the gift of time, whether you're showing them or
telling them or touching them, they all fall under that umbrella."
Something that would be special to anyone would be the retelling of your
romance and the love that you have for them. Share the story of how you met,
fell in love and decided to marry - every chance you get.
"Share the story of your love with your partner, your children, your friends
and your dinner guests. As you share the story of the love that you have for one
another, how you fell in love and how you decided to get married, it usually
brings back a flood of all of those good feelings and those fond memories of why
you decided to get together in the first place," says Marshall. "So if you're
trying to create a romantic spark on Valentine's Day, try sharing the glory of
your marital or relationship story with your partner."
It can be fun, too, Marshall says, to recreate an early date, a honeymoon or
a special anniversary. He and his wife Kathie celebrate the anniversary of their
first date every year on June 20 by doing some of the things they did together
right after they became a couple.
One of their first dates was to a local brick oven pizza place and then to
the movies. Another early date involved a picnic at a park.
"We'll sometimes go to the park and have a little picnic with grapes, cheese
and crackers, sparkling cider and Haagen Dazs Macademia Nut Brittle ice cream,"
he says.
Marshall recommends that people at least consider giving homemade gifts to
their loved ones.
There's nothing like giving someone a "heart attack," which involves cutting
out about 100 construction paper hearts and sticking them all over your
partner's car, bedroom or office, somewhere they will go. Anywhere they will see
the hearts, know who did it and see that you're thinking about them will do,
Marshall says.
"Try thinking about what you can do for your spouse or partner," says
Marshall. "Spending a lot of money isn't going to lead to a lot of fond feelings
and happiness, especially if you're already financially stressed."
For more information about marriage and relationships, visit the extension's
Web site, www.uaex.edu, or contact your county
extension agent. The Cooperative Extension Service is part of the U of A
Division of Agriculture.
February 8, 2008
By Kimberly Dishongh
For the Cooperative Extension Service
Media Contact: Lamar James
Extension Communications Specialists
U of A Division of Agriculture
Cooperative Extension Service
(501) 671-2187 or (501) 753-0207
ljames@uaex.edu
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