Cooperative Extension Service Departments
Family and Consumer Sciences Programming
Being Effective at Showing Love
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Children, Youth and Families Initiative Team
H. Wallace Goddard, Extension Family Life Specialist
Preparation
Read the unit "Learning
Languages of Love in Marriage". Read through the following teaching
suggestions and customize them to your personality. You may also trim certain
questions in order to fit your time slot. Make a copy of the handout for each
participant.
Outline for Teaching Lesson
[You might begin by telling a story of something your partner
or a friend has done for you that made you feel unusually loved. Or you
could start by simply saying, "Today we will see what we can learn about
languages of love."]
What is something your partner has done for you that made you
feel loved?
[Allow several people to share.]
Some people have said that there are three languages of love:
• "Tell me" people want to hear
words like "I love you," "You're so important to me."
• "Show me" people may believe
that talk is cheap. They want to see actions.
• "Touch me" people love to
hug, cuddle or be held.
[Write "Tell me," "Show me" and "Touch me" on a poster or
white board.]
Is one of these languages of love more effective for you than
the others? How do you like to be shown love?
[Invite comments.]
Is there any one thing that effectively shows love to everyone?
[The group will probably conclude that there is not. Encourage
comments.]
What are some different reactions to the words "I love you"?
[Answers will probably range from happiness to discomfort or
disbelief.]
What are some things you have done that seem to effectively show
love to your partner?
[Draw out many answers on this important question.]
If you customize your messages of love to match your partner's
preferences, do you think it could strengthen your relationship?
[Yes! Encourage comments.]
There are several ways we can discover our partner's love
languages. We can ask ourselves:
• What has worked to show love to my partner in the
past?
• How does my partner show love?
We can also ask our partner, "What are the things I do that most
effectively show my love for you?"
Does it take some time to discover our partner's love languages?
[It can take years - a lifetime! And our partner's preferences
may change with time too!]
On the handout that I am passing out, write down things you
would like to do for your partner to show love in a way that may be more
effective with your partner. You may choose to do several things in one area
(show, tell or touch) or a few things in each area depending on what you think
will be most effective at expressing your love to your partner.
[Give participants a few minutes to make a list.]
Try the things on your list. Notice how well they work. If you
continue to find ways to show your love to your partner, you can become a master
of the languages of love.
[For further study, participants can also be given copies of
the web unit with or without the applications.]
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